As international conflicts go, none did so little to disrupt the global order as the “whisky wars" that pitted Canada against Denmark for four decades. Flaring up in 1984, the unlikely spat involved a one-square-kilometre island in the middle of an icy Arctic channel marking the border between Greenland (now a self-ruling part of Denmark) and the Canadian territory of Nunavut. Both sides assumed the rock was theirs. What might have been considered a casus belli by lesser countries became, for the northern duo, an exercise in diplomatic civility. Canadian officials visiting the island marked their territory by leaving whisky and flags; Danes asserted sovereignty by snaffling the booze and leaving their own schnapps for Canadians to enjoy. In lieu of shots fired, polite letters were occasionally exchanged. When the quarrel grew tiresome a working group spent years agreeing to split the island down the middle, ending all hostilities in 2022.

       With enemies like these, who needs friends? As it turns out, both Europe and Canada may be in the market for upgraded alliances. Donald Trump’s return to the White House on January 20th brings with it the prospect of tariffs and jingoistic bluster. Nerves are jangling on both sides of the north Atlantic. Places on the fringes of the European Union are rethinking their ties to the club. Switzerland has agreed to a closer alliance, and Iceland will hold a referendum in 2027 on joining. Greenland, which left the EU in 1985 after gaining autonomy from Denmark, might consider rejoining, given Mr Trump’s obsession with it. But Canada may have the most to fret about. Mr Trump is goading his neighbour by suggesting it is about to become America’s 51st state and referring to its prime minister as “Governor Justin Trudeau". Officials from Ottawa and EU capitals have been trading notes on how to handle another bout of Mr Trump. Charlemagne, who enjoys both European and Canadian heritage, has a ready solution to both places’ woes: the EU should invite Canada to become its 28th member.

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