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Brotherhood programme in S’pore helps over 80 men break cycle of family violence

2024-01-20 00:00:00.0 海峡时报-新加坡原网页

SINGAPORE – The sight of his wife collapsing to the ground from his punches was a wake-up call for Mr Muhammad Firdaus Zhairudin.

The 35-year-old, who used to hit his wife when he could not control his anger, panicked and immediately called the police. He was let off with a stern warning.

He vowed to stop inflicting violence on his family. That same year, in September 2019, he joined Thye Hua Kwan Moral Charities’ (THKMC) Brotherhood programme, an initiative to support men who have committed family violence in their healing process.

Mr Firdaus’ journey to recovery has not been easy, as it took around two years before he could regulate his emotions and learn to think before responding.

Today, as he approaches his fifth year in the programme, Mr Firdaus is much closer to his six children and wife.

He has been working as a hotel front desk executive for around four years – the first long-term job he has held. He stayed for up to only four months in each of his previous jobs.

Mr Firdaus said that handling unreasonable customers is a good “challenge” for him, as he is able to put what he learnt from the programme into practice.

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When he starts feeling angry, he uses a breathing technique before taking time to cool down, sit down, or drink a beverage.

“The first few seconds will change everything... You must do something else, if not, something bad will happen,” he said.

Set up in September 2019, the Brotherhood programme aims to break the intergenerational cycle of violence by supporting men who have caused harm to others to be a part of the solution in ending family violence, said THKMC.

Each run of the programme comprises eight to 10 sessions, conducted every three weeks. Each session covers topics such as personal values and healing, as well as group sharing segments that allow participants to talk about their problems and discuss coping strategies.

More than 80 men have benefited from the programme, with 55 currently enrolled in the group.

Participants will also be given opportunities to be trained as group facilitators and mentors, said Mr Ben Ang, principal social worker at THKMC.

Together with the National University of Singapore’s Social Service Research Centre, THKMC conducted a qualitative study on 11 participants in November and December 2023 to find out how to attract and sustain engagement levels in the programme.

Preliminary findings, which were released at a symposium on Jan 20, showed that most participants suffered from adverse childhood experiences, which may have shaped their beliefs in toxic masculinity.

Ms Fionn Lui, a social worker at THKMC who heads programme research, said the study showed that men who committed family violence are interested in showing emotional vulnerability, but only in a safe environment where they are not judged but treated sincerely.

Looking ahead, Ms Lui said the organisation will use these findings to fine-tune the curriculum. For instance, it hopes to allocate more time and resources to coping strategies and open conversations with people they have hurt.