SINGAPORE – Local actress Vika (not her real name) thought that she was capable of protecting herself in relationships, having spoken up on issues such as mental health and domestic abuse for a decade.
But in a recent relationship which has since ended, her ex-boyfriend would become upset when she took on romantic roles, wanting to have control over her decisions, and demanding to know how she posed with her co-stars for promotional materials.
The last straw was when he became physically violent and punched her, resulting in fractures to her nose and the orbital bone near her right eye.
Vika was one of three individuals who shared their experiences of abuse at an online event organised by non-profit organisation Mental ACT on Oct 19 to raise awareness about intimate partner violence (IPV).
IPV is defined as any behaviour within an intimate relationship that causes physical, sexual or psychological harm. This includes acts of physical aggression, sexual coercion, psychological abuse and controlling behaviours, by both current and former spouses and partners.
The number of new spousal violence cases in Singapore rose by 15 per cent from 1,741 in 2022 to 2,008 in 2023, according to a report on domestic violence trends released in September by the Ministry of Social and Family Development.
Tackling such violence is a top priority for Mr Devanantthan Tamilselvii, 32, co-founder and executive director of Mental ACT, which has seen 17 cases of IPV since its inception in 2017.
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IPV, along with other traditionally taboo topics like suicide and mental health, is highly hidden in the South Asian community. These are people who are from countries such as Afghanistan, Bangladesh, India, Iran, Pakistan and Sri Lanka, he said.
He believes there are cultural nuances that an organisation like his would be better able to understand when dealing with the South Asian community. For instance, Mental ACT volunteers – who are all South Asians – communicate with those they help in their preferred language or dialect to make them feel comfortable and build trust.
Mr Devanantthan, who is a full-time social worker at a family service centre, runs Mental ACT after work as a volunteer.
Since starting the organisation in 2017 with his wife, Ms Priyahnisha Noorulla, 32, a psychotherapist, he has devoted himself to suicide intervention and counselling.
Mr Devanantthan, his wife, and Mental ACT volunteers have helped 33 people with suicidal thoughts over the years by monitoring their well-being and working on goals, such as improving their family relationships, for about three to six months before they return to their work or studies.
While Mr Devanantthan does not run a hotline, he shares his mobile number readily, such that through word of mouth, people know that he will provide a listening ear when they are in distress.
He has had to cancel appointments with his wife and friends as he receives calls and messages at all hours from people on the brink of taking their lives.
With his daily lunch hour, evenings and Saturdays spent on Mental ACT, any personal time he has is a luxury.
What drives him is the Latin motto Non nobis solum nati sumus – which means “not for ourselves alone are we born” – and the belief that he is not meant to live in a silo.
“It may take multiple interventions to keep someone alive, and it’s not just about their survival, but how they live their lives and how we take the journey with them,” said Mr Devanantthan, who has himself struggled with suicidal thoughts in the past.
Between 2012 and 2020, he had multiple episodes of depression due to upheavals in his life, such as his parents getting divorced.
He even had to mediate an argument between his parents on the eve of his A-level exams in 2012, the same day he and an ex-girlfriend ended their four-year relationship.
He also lost a close friend to suicide in 2013 while doing his national service.
He was diagnosed with depression in 2022, after facing work-related stress in an earlier job and other life changes.
He knew that he had to “walk the talk” and sought professional help through counselling in 2022. He also learnt self-care techniques to keep depression at bay. His wife has been a pillar of support for him, being a “listening ear and holding space” for him.
“My experience with depression helps me when working with people facing suicide. It allows me to empathise with them more... I believe they realise this guy is not just plucking something out of the air because he is a mental health professional, but one who is living what they are going through too,” said Mr Devanantthan, who still has suicidal thoughts from time to time.
Supper Club, one of Mental ACT’s main programmes, provides support to those experiencing crises or suicidal thoughts. Volunteers offer crisis support over supper, which can be as simple as roti prata and a drink.
Mr Devanantthan trains his volunteers, members of the public and community organisations, such as the Sikh Welfare Council, to provide support and identify signs of suicide and distress in those they help.
He currently has a team of 32 regular volunteers and another 10 who help on an ad hoc basis.
Mr Devanantthan hopes to get Mental ACT registered as a charity by 2025. Most of the organisation’s funding now comes from local grants.
Preserving family honour is important in South Asian cultures, said Mr Devanantthan.
“It often results in individuals tolerating abuse – whether physical, emotional, or psychological – rather than seeking help. The belief is that airing personal struggles or getting external support will bring shame to the family,” he added.
“I wish that one day the South Asian community will reach a stage where it is empathetic and knowledgeable and becomes a supportive ground for those who struggle with mental health issues,” he said.