SINGAPORE – As a paediatrician, Dr Lim Hong Huay, 52, could tell that her firstborn daughter, Marianne, was not hitting some of her developmental milestones when she was 18 months old.
The toddler had poor eye contact, spoke only a few single words, often cried and was irritable. When the family returned to Singapore from Britain, where they were residing, Dr Lim encountered a slew of challenges trying to get her daughter, who was three by then, the help she needed.
“It was a tough journey because at that time, the services were not comprehensive enough. And the awareness of autism in girls was not very high,” said Dr Lim.
Marianne got diagnosed with autism only when she was 11.
Several years later, when her third child – Lucas – received the same diagnosis at the age of seven, Dr Lim decided to step away from her career at KK Women’s and Children’s Hospital in 2017 to focus on her children.
Today, she is the founder of CaringSG, a non-profit initiative that supports caregivers of persons with special needs. The organisation has grown from 1,000 members in its first year in 2020 to 5,000 at present.
Her goal is to provide comprehensive support to caregivers by connecting them to support groups and helpers in the community like grassroots organisations, and other social and health service partners.
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They are also paired with caregiver volunteers and professional key workers who share resources, offer a listening ear, help them with improving their daily routines, and connect them with various agencies and ministries to ease their burdens.
Dr Lim is a finalist for the Singaporean of the Year award, organised by The Straits Times. The award is given to a Singaporean, or a group of citizens, who has made a significant contribution to society.
This can be through achievements that put Singapore on the world stage, or by going beyond the call of duty to selflessly improve the lives of others in the community, among other ways.
The award, now in its 10th year, is presented by UBS Singapore.
It was not easy for Dr Lim to leave her medical practice of 20 years.
By then, both her eldest and youngest children had enrolled in Pathlight School, which caters to those with autism. Her hope was that they could reintegrate into mainstream schools one day.
“I also felt that I needed to spend more time with my No. 2, because for the first 10 years of her life, I had been involved with the older sister and the younger brother, and she was being neglected,” said Dr Lim, who is married to a doctor.
Now 21, Marianne is in her third year pursuing a polytechnic diploma. Lucas, 14, is now in a mainstream secondary school. Vivianne, 16, will be completing her O levels at the end of 2024.
Even with more time on her hands, Dr Lim often felt alone in her struggles – being the main caregiver for her children while searching for resources and answers.
The early years were the toughest, when help was not readily available.
After Marianne turned three, Dr Lim tried to enrol her in an early intervention programme, but was unsuccessful as spots were taken up by children with very high special needs.
She then tried to engage private practitioners such as speech therapists and occupational therapists, but it was costly.
After Marianne was formally diagnosed with autism at 11, her mother was able to enrol her in Pathlight School, but it involved a two-year wait.
Dr Lim found respite when a fellow parent from Pathlight School introduced her to a parent support group. “I found friends whom I could talk to, who were resourceful and shared resources with me. That was really helpful,” she said.
When one of the parents in the group learnt about her paediatric background and started bombarding her with medical questions, another parent stood up for Dr Lim and reminded everyone that she was a mother as well.
“For the first time, I was being acknowledged as a caregiver, as a mum... We also need a break. We also need friends. We are not just there as a role or as a function,” she said.
She began to realise that having a network of support is crucial for caregivers who are struggling, as they can benefit from the camaraderie and shared experiences of people “in the same boat”.
Dr Lim said: “The experience of being a caregiver for people with disabilities or special needs can be quite isolating. Having that feeling, that you are not alone, is really very essential for survival.”
That was her motivation for starting CaringSG. “CaringSG is to reach caregivers, so that we connect to one another and strengthen one another. Then we connect the caregivers to resources, partners who are inclusive and build the community up,” said Dr Lim.
One of the organisation’s programmes, CAREbuddy, pairs caregivers with trained volunteers – who are also caregivers of people with special needs themselves – for support. So far, 52 caregivers have been trained and 100 have benefited from the programme.
The volunteers help caregivers think through their daily caregiving routines and find ways to improve. They also help direct caregivers to resources in the community and where to find help.
These include resources like information on inclusive pre-schools or after-school care options, learning and parenting materials, and doctors who can do mental capacity assessments.
“They help the caregiver think through what they can do to help themselves and their dependants, so they know where to go. It is like a peer mentoring system,” said Dr Lim.
CaringSG also organises webinars and events for caregivers to connect with others, share resources and receive emotional support.
For caregivers of people with higher needs, including those with moderate to severe autism, trained professionals provide help by creating a family support plan under another programme called CAREwell. This includes helping caregivers to navigate systems of support, improve their physical and mental health, and support their dependants better.
Madam Nur Azlin, 49, stumbled upon CaringSG’s website in 2022 when she was looking for support in her struggles caring for two sons – aged 17 and 20 – with autism.
“I had just read that a father had killed his two autistic sons, and I worried that my family could end up in a similar tragedy,” she said. Her younger son is non-verbal and has severe behavioural and learning issues, and she was worried about the toll caregiving would have on her and her family.
Through the CAREwell programme, the housewife said she was able to receive more seamless support.
Madam Azlin said: “Previously, I had to work with different social workers, agencies and hospital staff. There were too many referrals, and I had to keep repeating myself. The CAREwell counsellor assigned to me understood my needs well and acted as my representative to get things done.”
This included getting affordable wall padding for her home, which helped block out noise for her younger son who is sensitive to loud noises, as well as creating less stressful bi-monthly hospital visits by getting hospital staff up to speed with his condition so they can better cater to him and prevent meltdowns triggered by noise.
Madam Azlin said: “(Dr Lim) is encouraging caregivers to reach out when they need help. I have been empowered to love myself, so that I can love and give more to my family.”
The Straits Times Singaporean of the Year (SOTY) is an award that is given to a Singaporean or group of citizens who have made a significant contribution to society. This can be through achievements that put Singapore on the world stage, or by going beyond the call of duty to selflessly improve the lives of others in the community, among other ways
Organised by The Straits Times and presented by UBS Singapore, the annual award is now in its 10th year. The official airline partner is Singapore Airlines and the global hotel partner is Millennium Hotels and Resorts.
- Go to str.sg/soty24nominate
- Submit your nomination by Dec 31, 2024
- For more info on SOTY, go to https://www.straitstimes.com/soty24
- $20,000 cash
- One pair of Singapore Airlines business class tickets for each individual/group, up to three pairs of tickets for the winning group
- A five-night stay in any of Millennium Hotels and Resorts’ properties globally, up to a maximum of three sets of accommodation for the winning group
- $5,000 cash for each individual/group
- One pair of Singapore Airlines economy class tickets for each individual/group, up to a maximum of three pairs for each group of finalists
- A three-night stay in one of Millennium Hotels and Resorts’ properties globally, up to a maximum of three sets of accommodation for each finalist.