Keir Starmer has announced yet another list of promises (Image: Getty)
This is getting ridiculous. Not only has Keir Starmer done yet another relaunch, just months after sweeping to power, but we’ve got another list of promises to try and remember.
I have no shame in confessing that even though I’m paid to follow politics every minute of every day, I have given up keeping track of Sir Keir’s promises for government.
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In July 2023 we were introduced to Keir Starmer’s ‘five missions’, all of us completely ignorant of how it would become a nauseating trend of bullet point lists we’d have to try and remember.
I’m sure you remember the five missions well. For what it’s worth, they were relatively memorable solid pledges: clean energy, highest G7 growth, restoring the NHS, opportunity for all, safer streets.
We then had an entire year to sit back, secure in the knowledge that these five issues were rock solid pledges by the Labour Party to change Britain.
READ MORE: Keir Starmer mocked seconds into speech as BBC viewers 'switch off'
Keir launched his six fist steps in June this year (Image: Getty)
Then, like a bureaucratic bolt from the sky, in June this year we saw the second iteration: Sir Keir’s ‘6 first steps’.
This was a bit more like Tony Blair’s infamous pledge card, but longer and almost certain to flop.
I’m sure you remember the six first missions like the birth of your firstborn. Those unforgettable pledges to: Deliver economic stability, cut NHS waiting times, launch a new Border Security Command, set up Great British Energy, crack down on antisocial behaviour, and recruit 6,500 new teachers.
These pledges were so good that even Wes Streeting forgot one of them live on Laura Kuenssberg.
Great, we thought, this is it. The final word on Labour’s pledges for government. Come 2029 we will judge Sir Keir’s record on these six baskets.
Sit back, relax, Labour’s top advisors have nailed this down and will now get on with the job of governing.
Sike! In October Rachel Reeves came in with a third list. First the worst, second the best, third the one with the fiscal war chest.
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He had 5 missions in July 2023 (Image: Getty)
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Ms Reeves unveiled her ‘7 pillars for growth’: Restore economic stability, increasing investment and building infrastructure, work with devolved governments and mayors, create Skills England, long term model industrial strategy, record funding for research and development, carbon capture and storage.
Presumably her Skills England body will be helping workers shine up their CVs.
Leaving no time for us to catch our breath, today, just two months later, Sir Keir has unveiled his ‘6 milestones’ - absolutely not to be confused with the aforementioned ‘6 first steps’ - keep up.
Speaking at Pinewood Studios in Buckinghamshire, most famous for being the shooting location for Mission Impossible (make your own jokes) Sir Keir announced his latest list.
This time it’s: Raising real household disposable income, ensuring 75% of children are “school-ready” by reception, recruiting 13,000 police officers, building 1.5 million homes, decarbonizing the electricity grid by 2030, and treating 92% of NHS patients within 18 weeks of referral.
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Where, you may be asking, is the promise on immigration? Aha, you fool, those would obviously not be included in the 6 milestones.
Oh no, they’re found in a sub-list called the ‘3 foundations’. Apologies if this is giving you a headache.
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324 Comments
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455 Comments
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1 Comments
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This hidden Budget tax risk could devastate UK economy - it's another Rachel Reeves fiasco
493 Comments
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I was in the room when Keir Starmer delivered a work of fiction worthy of Hollywood
95 Comments
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2 Comments
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100 Comments
Pensioners in UK county given free air fryers and slow cookers after winter fuel cut
8 Comments
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324 Comments
Labour is freezing out pensioners while wasting billions elsewhere
72 Comments
Labour's nightmare budget raid cost the economy ￡10 billion and puts 125,000 jobs at risk
455 Comments
Moment Kay Burley makes Labour minister squirm in fiery winter fuel row
274 Comments
Thousands of terminally ill pensioners cruelly denied Winter Fuel Payment figures reveal
1 Comments
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1320 Comments
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98 Comments
Mad Ed Miliband is taking wrecking ball to economy - and now we have the proof
216 Comments
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247 Comments
New blow for embattled Keir Starmer as business confidence crashes to new low
195 Comments
These '3 foundations' are: Economic stability, secure borders, and national security.
So, we’ve got 7 pillars of growth, 6 milestones, 6 first steps, 5 missions, 3 foundations, and a partridge in a pear tree.
Though no doubt the farmer’s had to sell off the pear tree to fund Rachel Reeves’ tax grab.