Carmen promised mum Sandy she would fight to change the law (Image: Carmen Alkalai)
A devoted daughter who accompanied her mum to Dignitas is urging anyone who supports assisted dying to write to their MP ahead of next week’s crucial vote.
Carmen Alkalai, 52, has been fighting to change the law for eight years after terminally ill Sandy chose to end her life at the Swiss clinic.
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She said: “Of course you want to hold on to your loved one as long as you possibly can but at the same time I could see that my mum was a shell of a woman. I’m an absolute believer that if you want it, you should have that choice.”
Artist Sandy was diagnosed with motor neurone disease in June 2015 after her foot started dragging and her voice changed.
The “fiercely independent” 62-year-old, who raised two daughters alone after being widowed at just 23, made it known that she wanted to be in control of her death.
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Carmen in her 20s with her mum - the pair were very close (Image: Carmen Alkalai)
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Her disease progressed rapidly and within months she looked 10 years older and could only speak in a whisper, Carmen said.
Sandy could barely move or use her fingers and had difficulty swallowing, often choking on her own saliva.
She received palliative care but Carmen said “it wasn’t the right thing for her”. She did not want to move into a nursing home or be left “locked into her own body”, unable to do things she loved such as painting.
Carmen and her sister Victoria made sure their mum considered all options. Carmen said: “We were very clear with her that if she wanted to continue, we would look after her in her home and dedicate ourselves to that.
"Even in the car on the way [to Dignitas] I kept saying, ‘Mum, are you sure you want to do this? Because we can all go home now and we’ll look after you.’ It was never like us getting swept along.”
But Sandy had made her decision and after spending weeks completing the necessary documentation, the trio flew to Switzerland in February 2016.
Sandy's health deteriorated rapidly after her MNS diagnosis (Image: Carmen Alkalai)
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Single mum Carmen feared being arrested. She said: “You start to get paranoid. We printed out tourist brochures so that if they asked what we were doing we could say we were travelling.”
Meeting a doctor from Dignitas, Sandy removed her sunglasses and looked into his eyes as she confirmed that she was 100% sure of her decision.
They went to the clinic the next day. Carmen recalled: “Until then I’d managed to hold it together and I was in autopilot mode. Mum was completely calm but the realisation hit me and I had a complete breakdown. I was crying but I still understood that this was what needed to happen.”
An intravenous drip was set up with a button Sandy could push to administer the drugs. Carmen said: “I suppose I had an image in my head, that she was going to look at me and my sister holding her hands and say, ‘Girls, I love you’.
“But she didn’t, she just pressed the button. There was no hesitation whatsoever. She pressed the button and within seconds her eyes closed and she was dead.”
The trip cost around ￡15,000 and Sandy's family, who are Jewish, were unable to have a proper burial service. Carmen returned to Switzerland three weeks later to pick up her ashes.
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Carmen, of Crouch End in north London, said she believed it was right to help her mum die in the way she wished.
But she added: “It was so traumatic for her, leaving her house and having to fly when she could barely move. We could have had her for maybe three or four weeks longer if we had stayed in the UK.”
The grieving daughter promised Sandy she would fight to change the law and now regularly campaigns at events with Dignity in Dying.
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She said of the Bill due to be debated next Friday: “All of us who’ve fought for this, I truly believe that we’ll get it this time. I think it’s impossible to ignore public opinion and it’s going to be a monumental occasion.”
Carmen urged MPs to speak to terminally ill people and their families, and she called on anyone who supports the Bill to make their wishes known.
She said: “This is the time now to write to your MP and ask them to vote in favour.”
Send your MP a quick message on Assisted Dying Bill with this online form
We are asking our loyal readers to support Dame Esther Rantzen and other terminally ill people who want greater choice at the end of life by writing to your MP and asking them to support the assisted dying Bill.
Introduced in the House of Commons by Kim Leadbeater MP, MPs will debate it on November 29 - but this Bill will only pass if enough MPs vote in support.
Send your MP a message with Dignity in Dying's online letter generator.